Laziness abounds…

Yes I have been quite lazy the last few days in terms of posting. I haven’t even posted my daily workouts which I have done pretty much everyday since the last time I posted a few days ago.

Yesterday’s I would call epic, just did Military Presses but finished with the final set of about 12 total at 130 x 2, which I would consider to be pretty damn good as that is about 60% of my body weight and I was only shooting for my final to be about 50% of my body weight.

I have to make it a point to start posting a lot more often, just to get things out of my head that get in there and drive me nutty. That should technically have me writing all day long every single day though, so maybe that totally won’t work, but at least once or twice a day for sure from now on.

So one of the things on my mind which has me conflicted is something to do with religion, you see back when I was younger I was more or less force fed Catholicism up to the age of about 16 or so when I was then allowed to chose, and I quickly turned away from it in a completely opposite direction. First turning towards Laveyan Satanism, and then Wicca, then Paganism and back to Laveyan Satanism and finally to Luciferianism. Now these last two aren’t much different from one another and they both more or less have the same concept, that you are your own god, and there is no belief in a heaven or hell or a god and or devil. But now as time has gone by I find myself in conflict over my beliefs, and keep coming back to is there actually a God, is there a Devil, is there a Heaven and Hell? I know deep fucking questions! There is a part of me that now looks at things in terms of if I can have God in my life in my terms and not the way it was force fed to me then maybe I could allow myself those beliefs again. Part of me sees it, but then I want to stomp it when it pops into my head. Maybe time to start considering it again rather than stomping it out.

OK, deep subject taken care of. This weekend was fun, went to the range did some shooting, and that is always fun and a great way to do stress relief. Workouts of course are next best thing. Other fun stuff, I got laid this weekend too, always nice when that happens as well. And just to toss this out there I am reading about 5 different books, most of them are all around 50% complete, so I might write some reviews on them when I am done.

OK, all for now. More later I hope.

Later,
The Madman

Ah yes…

And it is almost time for the traveling to home to start.

I have to get my ass up bright and early in the morning around 4AM so that I can get my ass to the airport by 530 or so to catch a 7AM flight out of Austin. And then in between I have to keep my fingers crossed that the weather in the NE cooperates so that I can actually get all the way home.

On another more serious note, because this is something that has been on my mind for a couple of weeks now and since this is my anonymous source of posting things I am going to share this. It strikes a chord for me because I have been clean and sober now for nearly 9 years. But I get to basically watch my wife continue to be in the throws of her own addiction involving food, anorexia to be more specific. She has been obsessed with her weight and how she looks for pretty much the entire time we have been together, which is going on 27 years now, and of course for a good portion of that time she got to experience me in my addiction, and was there for my bottom. It appears that she doesn’t have a bottom and I don’t think she will ever actually see that bottom, and I say that more because of something she said a couple of weeks ago after remarking about how much I ate at dinner (while she left her food pretty much unfinished) as I said to her, if I didn’t force you to eat you would starve to death. At which time she remarked yes I probably would, and she said it with a smile.

She has pretty much been subsisting on maybe around 500 – 600 calories a day for quite some time now, it might even be less, I only ever see her eat dinner in the evening, I don’t know what she actually eats during the day. I also don’t know what she eats when I am traveling, she says she does but I really don’t know.

I have read enough material to know that one can subsist off this little for a long long time, but it will have consequences on ones body, I make sure she gets a vitamin supplement daily, that likely helps. She is obsessed with losing weight, she doesn’t however realize that she has shot out her metabolism and she won’t lose anymore weight at all, and if she starts eating more calories a day she will just gain weight quickly, I am sure, I haven’t mentioned that I just keep trying to get her to eat more.

I worry that her bottom is going to wind up being something quite severe, and it won’t be pretty, I know it will happen, eventually, I just don’t know when. I don’t know how long her body will continue to function before the low amount of calories starts to actually take a real toll, though I am sure it has in some ways, that I am must not noticing as I should.

OK, that is enough for now, I have to go to sleep as 4AM comes early and I want to get my happy ass home!

Later,
The Madman

2018 and my plans

Well it is here and we have another year in the books. So what is it I want to actually accomplish with this coming year, this will be a list that I hope to come back to and check items off of as I knock them out.

Biggest, earn 55K extra dollars this year and put it towards paying off all of our credit card debt so that it is non-existent.

Start writing erotica as one part of earning that extra 55K.

Start teaching people about safely using there firearms and concealed carry also as a part of earning that extra 55K.

Start writing and finish the novel I have in my head, it will actually be a multi-part story, that I expect to be able to finish out in 3 books.

On the Diet & Fitness side

Exercise more, in terms of doing more Crossfit style workouts with weight lifting in them, as this is what does the best for me in terms of helping my levels of fitness.

Clean up my diet, I eat too much junk, I gotta stop, or do better, I mean every now and again a guy has got to be able to enjoy some cheesecake or ice cream.

Change my body composition, I am not hung up on how much I weight, but I could certainly stand to have less body fat, and if that means weighing less at some point then so be it, but I am not killing my self to get to some number that might not be possible. I have already lost nearly half my body weight from the high point which was over 400lbs (and only about 20% body fat mind you) so all good.

On the fun side of things, just do more stuff outside as the weather permits. One of those things for me will be competitive shooting, since I have started shooting again this is something I am trying to work towards and this coming year I will get myself started.

Want to do some hiking in different areas around here where I live, just to get out and enjoy the fresh air more often. And because well it doesn’t cost money, need to save as much of that as humanly possible.

Oh yeah, another important thing, more SEX! Who doesn’t need more SEX!!

Those are the big things, as I am sure there are lots more things I will do to improve me during the course of this year, but the biggest focus has to be on paying down our debt.

That is it for now.

The Madman

Debt Sucks…

Yes it surely does. Have a lot of it, credit card debt, school loan debt, house debt, car debt, and its a lot for sure. So seeing it and knowing that it is there now the goal is to pay it all off as quickly as possible. The hard part is getting that done, so starting with the credit cards first, not quite sure how I am going to do it but right now just going to stop paying most of them till I can pay them off, penalties be damned, maybe its the wrong thing to do but right now I need to create extra money to pay stuff off, means not paying things to create a monthly surplus. And after that I am working on trying to earn extra money, which is why this site exists, to monetize it, as you will see there is an area that you can hire my services out to edit documents, eBooks and the like you might need done. And then there is my firearms instruction biz, that could go somewhere or go nowhere, right now nowhere is the way that is going. Writing is the next bit of it, which is the hard thing because I need to get the time required to get that done, working on that it would be nice if I could just get a regular post on here daily, or better yet twice daily.

So the goal is to pay the CC debt off first, I want to do this in less than 2 years if possible, and to do this I am looking to earn as much extra money from other sources that aren’t my salary in order to do so. I will be leveraging what I do for a living (tech writing/editing) and what I like to do beyond that, firearms instruction. Working on selling off as much stuff as I can find in our house to sell along the way as well.

I am not worried about it though, it is going to hurt getting it done, hopefully not too much, but going to make it happen because I want total financial security for my wife and I going forward so that at some point I can start planning on a fun retirement by having some extra income that allows for it. It can be done, gotta do the work now so maybe one thing I am going to do now is start documenting that here as I work through it.

That is all for now!

The Madman

Recovery…

OK, so I am also a recovering alcoholic & addict, Alcohol was my drug of choice, for many years. I am currently a bit over 8 years sober and clean. I got started because at a young age my orthopedic doctor decided that giving a teenager with knee problems Vicadin was a good thing, turns out it was. That led to stronger drugs like Oxy. Pain meds had the opposite affect on me they should have had, it was more like speed to me, that is where the alcohol came in, I used it to bring me down and get me level. I was completely functional because I knew how much of each I needed all the time to stay even. Taking one of those things away made it a lot harder to stay even, booze was just bad. I finally decided to stop altogether once I had one too many black outs where I couldn’t remember anything.

So today, more than 8 years sober and clean and I find that I am just using other things to replace what I used to be addicted to, it is a common thing amongst us addicts to do just that. I have recognized it and now have to do something about it. Which I am doing or started to do. It really is something simple, I just have to stop buying sh*t which I really don’t need, or so I would assume it should be easy. So far so good, I can say. I think at some point in the near future I am going to have to start going back to meetings, as I haven’t been to one of those in a very long time, it might be helpful to be around more people who are well like me.

Well that is all for now, till later. I am going to try and start getting in the habit of posting something every single day, that isn’t easy for me at times but it is also something I need to start doing and I am going to do my best to do just that. Need to work towards monetizing this blog in some way because I need to earn some extra money to pay off debt, and get ahead of it. This is just part of it, also offering my services through Fiverr for doing review and editing of peoples work.

– The Madman